CONTROL WHAT MATTERS

THE SIMPLE NEWSLETTER - ISSUE # 012

Every day, we’re juggling goals, plans, and responsibilities—each one carrying a quiet but powerful force: expectations. Whether we realize it or not, expectations shape how we move through the world. In this edition, Adam unpacks how expectations—especially the ones we place on ourselves and others—can either elevate our experiences or quietly rob us of joy. With a personal story and practical insight, he explores how shifting our perspective can create more meaningful, grounded moments in our daily lives. Let’s dive in.

ADAM'S THOUGHT

I talk a lot about expectations. I always tell people you have to have an intention and an expectation with almost everything you do. But sometimes the expectations we set for ourselves, our staff, our friends, or even the waiter at a restaurant are unrealistic. We often place undue stress on ourselves and others to live up to these expectations.

Here’s the problem with that. If those expectations are outside our control and we try to control them anyway, we set ourselves up to be disappointed repeatedly.

Last week, I went to dinner. Everything about the evening was wonderful to me. The food was excellent, the service was top-notch, and the night allowed for great conversations. I even had the chance to try new dishes and meet the incredible owners of the establishment.

But later, the host of the evening apologized for how things went. I was surprised. From how I experienced it, the night was one of the best dining moments I’ve had in a while.

How could we perceive the same evening so differently?

The host had entered the evening with very defined expectations, ones that didn’t align with how the night unfolded. I, on the other hand, went in with a simple desire—to enjoy great conversations.

The host consumed themselves with what they felt should have happened instead of appreciating what did happen. By doing so, they missed out on recognizing how wonderful the evening truly was.

When we’re designing expectations, it’s important to consider what’s within our control and what isn’t. Otherwise, we risk overlooking the wonderful experiences unfolding in front of us because they don’t meet some preconceived idea.

ADAM'S LESSON

When I say you need to set both intention and expectation, I’m referring to focusing only on the pieces you can actually control.

Think back to the dinner. The host wasn’t in control of how the waiter acted. But they were in control of how they made me feel at the table. They couldn’t dictate every item on the menu, but they were in control of introducing me to the restaurant’s best features. They didn’t have power over how everyone else behaved, but they could control what they chose to notice and value.

By narrowing expectations to things you can actually control, you set yourself up for better outcomes. You’ll know whether you lived up to those expectations based on your own efforts.

That’s ultimately what expectations are about, right? Effort.

If you set an expectation for someone else, you have to ask yourself if they’re capable of meeting it. If you have an expectation for yourself, you need to evaluate your own capacity to meet it.

But there’s more to consider here. Are those efforts truly helping you achieve the outcome you want? Sometimes, the desires behind our expectations get clouded by layers of unnecessary complexity. We create expectations to meet imagined “needs” when in reality, we simply desire the core outcome.

To break it down:

Figure out what you truly want.

Identify what’s within your control.

Set your expectations based on those factors alone.

By doing this, you’ll focus your efforts where they matter most and avoid setting yourself up for unneeded disappointment.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Here’s a challenge for you. Pick something you're doing this weekend and take a moment to reflect. Think about your expectations for it, but focus through the lens of what’s actually within your control.

Ask yourself if the effort it will take is something you’ll feel good about putting in. Set your expectation based on that. Then see how it unfolds.

I have a feeling you’ll feel more satisfied. You’ll want to do this again and again. And isn’t that the entire reason we set expectations in the first place?

Until next time,

- Adam

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