Power of Choice

This week, so many conversations have circled back to one simple truth: everything is a choice. When we feel disempowered, overwhelmed, or like we’re losing control, it’s often because we’ve forgotten that truth. The most empowering step we can take is to recognize that, no matter the circumstances, we always have choices available to us.

TOM'S THOUGHTS

One of the biggest struggles many of our clients face is realizing that even in the most frustrating situations, choice is present. For example, we were working with a client—a single mom and successful business owner—who found herself constantly clashing with her daughter. She felt like her daughter was trying to control the situation, which triggered her own need to control. This is a classic example of the controller saboteur at work.

The controller shows up when we feel like we’re losing control. It pushes us to tighten our grip on what we can’t actually control—other people, their actions, or their emotions. But ironically, this only makes us feel more out of control. The key is to shift perspective: instead of trying to control everything, recognize and embrace the choices you do have.

When we step back and say, “I can choose how I respond. I can choose what I focus on. I can choose to offer choices to others instead of fighting for control,” we regain true influence over the situation. This reframes control as an internal strength rather than an external battle.

TOM'S LESSON

Here are some practical ways to use the power of choices to quiet the controller saboteur:

Pause Before Reacting

When you feel triggered, take a breath and remind yourself: I have a choice in how I respond. That small pause interrupts the saboteur’s grip.

Focus on What You Can Control

Ask: What is truly within my control right now? Often, the answer is your thoughts, emotions, and actions—not someone else’s.

Give Options, Don’t Dictate

If conflict arises, shift from “It has to be my way” to “Here are a couple of choices we can consider.” This creates collaboration instead of resistance.

Name the Saboteur

When you recognize the controller showing up, call it out: “That’s my controller talking.” Naming it lessens its power and helps you pivot to choice-based thinking.

Choose Self-Empowerment Daily

Remember that small, consistent choices—choosing patience, choosing clarity, choosing kindness—build resilience and restore your sense of control.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

The truth is simple but profound: control is not about forcing outcomes...it’s about choosing our responses. The more we embrace our power to choose, the less sway the controller saboteur has over us.

So the next time you feel that tightening grip of frustration, stop and remind yourself: You always have choices. And in those choices lies your greatest power.

-Tom